fishballs

Goodbye

2005-03-02T09:11:00.000+08:00

Readers, if there are actually any of you out there,

T’is a sad day. After a lot of thought, I’ve decided too call it a day. Fishballs is saying goodbye.

Numerous reasons have made me think that this is the right thing to do.

1. Who reads this?

2. I’ve become addicted to other Blogs and it’s, quite frankly, not right. I’m currently reading ‘Brenda’s’ Blog daily and keeping up to date on her life. The problem of her daughter/granddaughter custody malarkey is not yet resolved. Sad. She’s going through ‘the change’ at just 35, and from a recent picture, I’d say she lives in a trailer park. She’s also the most frequent ‘commenter’ in her own Blog’s comments section. As for Anthony’s Blog, smart little Anthony had the sense to quit Blogging before he got in too deep. The James Dean of Blogging, he left us too soon with his last post on February 16th that simply read “moneymoneymoneymoney” Do I need to go on? Do you care about these people? No. Do I? Yes. That’s wrong and it’s Blog addiction gone too far.

3. The hardback edition of Fishballs: A Blogger's Blog will never be on the shelves, let alone in time for f*cking Christmas. The Guardian didn’t give a f*ck when I e-mailed them twice to let them know about my Blog. Even Gilbert Koh (remember him? My first official reader? The poet from Singapore?) decided there wasn’t enough poetry here for him to justify putting a link to my Blog on his. Well, how do you like this, Gilbert Koh? –

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Gilbert Koh,
Stinks like shit!

4. As if the above is not reason enough, I’m addicted to my own Blog. Not reading it, not even writing it, merely watching the “0 comments” stay the same and the hits counter at the bottom going up by 1 every time I check for other visitors.

5. Can I stop now?

Ok, that’s me and my reasoning. I’m sorry, but this is it. The end. I ask you only one thing, Readers. If you’re actually out there, please do leave a comment. You needn’t say much, but just something that tells me that ‘Yes, Fishballs, you had readers’ Ok? It’s not a lot to ask. Please?

Right then. I wish every last one of you (or even just the one of you) all the best. As you surf the Net, the ol’ internet super highway, spare a thought for Fishballs once in a while. “Destined to be the great online social commentator of our day, taken away from us so soon, what would Fishballs make of this?” you'll ask yourself as you stumble across the latest news. Hmmm…

Fishballs leaves you now, so spare a thought for what might have been. Take care, sweet readers, and carry me in your hearts. There’s a REAL world out there, one that doesn’t end in .com. Go outside, smell the world, taste it, live your lives. But remember to Blog about it, 'cause I’ll be reading.

I thank you and good night.

Blog number twenty-seven

2005-02-23T15:16:00.000+08:00

Readers, I married them too soon.

I'm sorry, I feel I rushed into making a family far too quick. Brenda and Steve are just not right for each other. I found Brenda's Blog again and boy, does that bitch have problems? Tomorrow, she is going to report her daughter to the Child Protection Service over neglect to her granddaughter. She may never see her granddaughter again, that's if Crystal gets her way!

I shit you not, while this is going on, Steve, her 'husband' in my fantasy Blog family, is making "Quick Cinnamon Buns with Buttermilk Icing" And I quote...

"This recipe is a quick alternative to working with yeast dough in camp. As the name implies, they’re (relatively) quick. And they make a great accompaniment to your next campfire breakfast."

Erm, sorry Steve, got more important child/grandchild issues to care about. Seriously, some people!

As for Anthony, I'm beginning to think he may have died (his lack of spelling ability implies a lack of education, agree? Maybe a sickly child, spent most of his early childhood in Long Beach, California's equivalent of Great Ormond Street. Just an idea.). His Blog's not been updated in a while. Hmm....

As for fat and happy cousin Jenny, she's turned boring. Stupid urban femme.

I'm sorry, I thought creating a family would be great and it's not quite the bed of roses I thought it would be. Ah well, I've just found out that in 2 days time I have no lessons. Will be back then, hopefully with a cyber-Blog family in tow. Any suggestions for Blog family members, let me know

Til next time, guys and gals...

Blog number twenty-six

2005-02-22T15:15:00.000+08:00

Hey there, Readers,

Who’s the daddy?

No, I’ve not gone all macho on you, I’m merely asking who the father is in my new fantasy Blog family. Quick recap for you: so far we have Anthony, 14. His ‘mother’ is 35 and writes a Blog about her 'real' family, so we’ll have to just ignore that. She also has no name and I can’t remember her Blog’s address so we’ll have to just call her… Brenda? Let’s call her Brenda. Anthony has a cousin who is an urban femme living in New York. She’s fat, but happy. She’s older and we’re gonna have to create some familial link soon between them, maybe an Aunt or Uncle. Hmm….

Anyway, after a lot of thinking and not much searching, I’ve found them a patriarch. Oh Readers, what a mighty patriarch he is. His name is Steve and he’s probably in his 50s. He’s ex-Navy, a Christian, and his hobby is out door cooking. He is a particular fan of Dutch Ovens. Here’s what him and The Bible have to say about wives…

“ 'Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered' (1 Peter 3:7).

Husbands are to live with their wives. This means you’re to dwell with her in close harmony. To dwell with one's wife "with understanding" means that husbands are to know, to understand, to comprehend their nature, especially as it fits in the marriage relationship. Learn about your wife, what pleases her and what makes her "tick." And honor your wife by putting her on a pedestal. She’s the love of your life, no one else. Remember that as Christians, you and your wife are "heirs together." Study together, pray together, worship together.And husbands, there’s a much more serious side to the equation. Peter says that your prayers before God will be hindered if you ignore his command. We have a solemn duty to God and to your wife to dwell, understand and honor.”

I just know that him and Brenda are gonna get on just great. Oh boy, imagine Anthony’s face when he first eats from Steve’s Dutch Oven. Ah, the joy of having God-like status and creating a happy family unit from mere scraps of identity found online. This is better than Blogging about my own life, much better. What have I done today? Hmm… taught some kids, eaten breakfast and lunch, played games with some kids, and… made me my very own online family!

Readers, I give you the happily married Brenda and Steve, their adorable son Anthony, and their neice, Jenny (urban, New York-dwelling femme). Enjoy. I’m off to hunt for Brenda’s Blog so I can take more of her life for future reference. I hope you get on well with Steve, I know you’ll all get used to him.
Til next time, guys and gals…

Blog number twenty-five

2005-02-21T14:02:00.000+08:00

Afternoon, readers,

I've been a fairly busy Fishballs since coming back to work so I can only apologise for not updating this sooner. "If you're not reading this everyday, you're wasting your fucking life" - I stand by that (or rather, Richard and Judy stand by that) despite this not being updated daily at the minute. Hey, you could read it and reread it and learn it by heart, or something.

Anyway, work has been getting duller by the day and when I can, I do so like to read the lives of other's. I've recently been an avid reader of a 14 year old boy (young Anthony, one of his last posts read, "BRUCE IS GAY AND FRUTY") and most recently a porn addict. Today's guest Blogger is "a married mother of an Anime-obsessed 12-yo daughter who is such fun to be around, and a confused 18-yo stepdaughter who had [her] first granddaughter in August 2004" She goes by some pretentious mystical name so I decided not to bother including it. Anyway, enjoy this snippet of someone else's life.....

"So here's the deal: Crystal called us at like 11:00 last night and basically demanded a ride for her and her boyfriend from the bowling alley in Mount Vernon to her "Aunt" Brigitte's apt. in Burlington. Plus her kiddo is sick again and she is pawning her off on other people all the time. I was so proud of Tim, he actually told her NO! He told her that if she walked there, she could walk her ass home too; and that she shouldn't really be out if her child is sick anyway!! We were playing cards with Earl and Freddy at the time, and I fully expected him to cut it short and run to her aid but he didn't. I think he is finally getting tired of only hearing from her when she wants something. On an aside, the trellis that Tim and I put up yesterday looks great, we put it on the back side of the house, perpendicular to the driveway as a privacy shield from the neighbor kid who sits in his bedroom smoking his bong all the time... I put in some pink jasmine and star jasmine at the base, alternating for foliage interest. It should take over the whole damned thing in no time. Okee Doke, I smell like feet so I'm gonna go shower..."

I like that. In my head I'm starting to imagine some kind of fantasy Blog Family. I like to imagine today's Blogger as young Anthony's mother. Anthony has an older.... cousin, let's make her a cousin, who's an urban femme living in New York. Anthony and his mystical mother live somewhere between www.longbeachcalifornia.com and www.mountvernon/burlington.com which is located somewhere on the world wide web of Bloggers. I think tomorrow I'm gonna give Anthony a father and his mystical mother, a husband. He won't be called Tim, I'm not sure of his name yet but soon they will be a complete family.

I'd better go now, really, as I'm thinking I could go on forever in my Blog fantasy world. Hmmm...

Anyway, til next time, guys and gals...

Blog number twenty-four

2005-02-13T03:46:00.000+08:00

Greetings, Readers!

Worry not, our hero has returned. Not in especially high spirits, however, yet Fishballs is indeed back. I can only apologize for my long absence, which was due to a well-earned break for Chinese New Year. Kung hei fat choy, to you all.

Well, I'm not feeling too tip-top today for a couple of reasons. 1) My Blog appears to have had about 5 visitors in my 11-day absence. 2) I'm back at work. Well, I say work; so far I've sat alone in the staff room while the other teachers take part in teacher training. It's conducted in Chinese and I'm not a Chinese speaker so I'm given leave from these things to get on with my own work. 'My own work' today has so far consisted of Internet perusal and dreaming of food.

Anyway, enough about the here and the now, you must be wondering what hilarious and hell-raising antics Fishballs has been up to. 11 days is a long time in Blogging. Well, after my last Blog, myself and Mrs. Fishballs took a trip to Thailand. Five days spent in the sun and the sleaze of the sex tourists’ dream destination. Imagine it: sun (so hot that Fishballs and co. were almost completely crippled with sun burnt skin) sex (ok, without going into too many details, I will say these few words: ping-pong balls, ribbons, razor blades, private dancers, poles, trumpets. Disgusting. Was tempted to ask for my money back. Call that a show?) sand ( what is there to really say about sand?) and sea.

That was Thailand, and what followed was merely another glorious week off, relaxing and not thinking about work. Valentine’s Day was the other day, that was nice. Nice presents from Mrs. Fishballs were reciprocated with a box of mint Matchmakers. You should’ve seen her face. Loved ‘em.

Well, now that Fishballs is back at work, life seems incredibly dull and bland. It’s times like this I give thanks for the exciting life of others. Today’s guest Blogger with a life mildly more interesting than mine is Anthony from California. He’s only young and doesn’t seem too good at spelling but I couldn’t help myself getting fascinated by him. Sounds like my kinda guy.

"I AM 14 YEARS OLD IN HIGH SCHOOL. IN MY FAMILY IT IS ME, MOM, DAD AND MY LITTLE BROTHER MICHAEL. I GET UP AT 6:00 EVERY DAY JUST TO GO TO SCHOOL. I DO NOT MIND GETING UP SO EARLY BECAUSE I AM AN EARLY BIRD. I LIKE TO WERE NEW SHOES AND NOT OLD ONES THAT ARE GROWING ROTS. I LIKE TO EAT PIZZA AND DRINK GATERAID, THE GREEN KIND. I ALSO LIKE TACOS BUT NOT FROM TACOBELL BECAUSE THAT GOT ME SICK, I WAS THROWING UP ALL KINDS OF STUFF THAT I DIDN'T KNOW THAT I HAD IN MY STUMICK. I AM 14. I DO NOT LIKE TO PLAY GO FISH. I HATE PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO SEE IF THAY NO ME. IT IS MY WAY OR THE HIGH WAY. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE MY WEB SITE THAN SINE OFF. I DO NOT LIKE TO SLEEP ALL DAY LIKE JOHN WHO LIVES ACROOS THE STREET FROM ME. BOY CAN THAT GUY SLEEP. ON THE OTHER HAND (WITCH IS MY LEFT) I DO LIKE TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES, GO ON THE INTERNET AND FIND NEW STUFF, AND DATE GIRLS."

Cool, huh? Here’s to Anthony… clink. Well, I’d really better get me some work done, I’m not paid to Blog, despite my dreams. Take care, good readers.

Til next time, guys and gals…

Blog number twenty-three

2005-02-04T13:57:00.000+08:00

Hello again, faithful readers.

I feel better now, more or less. I’ve been away from blogging for around 48 hours and it’s good to see the counter rolling on up without me. Actually, it’s been rolling up because of me. I’ve not been able to keep away, I’ve been slyly checking up on the comments (Just the 1) and how many hits I’ve received (probably about 4, discounting the number of times I’ve been online.)

Anyway, I’ve been doing some serious thinking and controversy is too easy, too superficial, and just too short-term, if you’re looking for Blog fame. I’ve used my time away from the computer screen this past 48 hours and spent more time reading the printed word. Yes, as well as writing the sharpest Blog on the http://www.net.online.world.com/, I can also read.

I’ve been reading a book that I’ve never read before called Wuthering Heights. Heard of it? Didn’t think so. Well, I felt like going through a “reading-all-the-books-you-really-should’ve-read-by-now” phase and I’m actually really enjoying it. I don’t know if any of you out there have read Wuthering Heights but its similarity to a Blog is uncanny. The story of Heathcliff and Cathy is told through Nelly Dean, who tells it to Mr. Lockwood, who ultimately writes it down and tells it to us. Where Emily Bronte fits into the analogy I’m about to say, I’m really not sure.

Anyway, I’ve come to see the REAL me (I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, my real name is not really Fishballs, Barrymore or Willy Russell) as a Mr. Lockwood type figure, writing down the story told to me by ‘Fishballs’ who is telling the story of…… and that’s the problem! Maybe, just maybe, I don’t actually write about enough real stuff. There’s been no story to my Blog….

...Until NOW!

Listen up. I’ve figured that maybe I need to be more open and honest with you folk about who I am and what I do. However, that’s not what I fancy doing. So instead, I thought I’d keep you reading by posting stories from other people’s lives onto my Blog! This is just a trial and these people don’t know they’re being multi-Blogged so don’t you go telling them!

Today’s trial anecdote (if the comments board starts buzzing, this could be a regular feature) comes from Jenny. She is a fat, gay, vegetarian, culturally Jewish, adorably neurotic, urban femme. She lives in New York and has this to say about a trip she took to the cinema last August…

“I love going to movies by myself because I can come in at the last minute and still get a good seat. I sat next to two African American, gay men. That is why I love New York! One rested his head on the other's shoulder for the whole movie. Somehow having the two of them next to me reminded me of being with my two cats. The one leaning his head on the other's shoulder was a tiny guy who tucked his arms into his sleeves. Adorable!”

That was good, wasn’t it. See how open-minded Fishballs is, even homosexual African-Americans are welcome here. Come one, come all!

Well, me and Mrs. Fishballs are taking a well earned trip away for a few days so I’ll be away for a while. Keep the comments coming, keep spreading the word, and take care of yourselves and each other for another seven days (probably more like five or six).

Til next time, guys and gals…

Blog number twenty-two

2005-02-02T13:47:00.000+08:00

Ok, guys and gals,

Free speech, controversy, blah blah blah... This has gotten out of hand. And so I quote...

"Mr Fishballs, your girlfriend is a heartless b*tch, no animal is only a "f*cking" anything. Tell her to get a life and some heart. From me, okay?" (Blog 21 - Comments)

Wo! That's personal, and yet cowardly, Mr./Mrs. Anonymous. Nice name. It's a good job Mrs. Fishballs doesn't often read this Blog or she'd be push you down like a hamster in a blender, y'hear? Y'HEAR!?

Ok, that's not my only problem today, I'll come clean. I'm starting to get seriously addicted to this whole Blogging thing. It started off just for kicks, a post here and there whenever the ideas hit me. Now, however, it's affecting me. I was sat here this morning, thinking about Ovaltine and reading a site about how to use a Japanese toilet (it seemed important at the time) on my computer. Anyway, some of you out there may have forgotten that I'm actually a full time teacher. Well, you're not alone, that's exactly what I did.

"Mr. Fishballs?"came a cry at the staff room door.

"Yes?" I replied

"I'm from class 3C, you're meant to be teaching us now."

Seriously, readers, I can't do this Blogging for much longer, it's taking everything from me. I was 15 f*cking minutes late for class! I'm risking it all for Blogging!

Guardian, Penguin, Parkinson, Richard and Judy, fame, fortune: This is your last call!

I can't wait forever and lose everything along the way. I'll be back in a couple of days (possibly hours) and see how you're getting on without me, but for now I need to give up Blogging for a little while. I'm sorry.

This is not the end, guys and gals, we're on a break...

Blog number twenty-one

2005-02-01T11:27:00.000+08:00

One comment? You’ve had 24 hours to really get this sh*t happening and this is what I get? Thanks for the comment, JB, but NO THANKS to the rest of the world that seems to be failing to acknowledge what’s going down at www.fishballsandbanter.blogspot.com

OK, one last attempt at controversy and debate. Try these for size….

- “Just ‘cause she dances go go,
It don’t make her a ho, no...” sang one-time refugee Wyclef Jean-Claude Van Damme. Ho or NO ho? You decide!

- Racism: Is yellow the new black?

- Royalty: Is Paul Burrell the real heir to the throne?

- Phillipa Forrester: Did she really have to die?

Come on, the published hardback of Fishballs: A Blogger’s Blog will never be in the shops in time for Christmas at this rate! Spread the word, get the debates going!

Til next time, guys and gals…

Blog number twenty

2005-01-31T13:36:00.000+08:00

Greetings, good readers, greetings,

I’m back and partly refreshed after a weekend away from my Blog. Mildly disappointed to find that a mere 14 people logged on during my absence, despite the fact that I put up a load of new stuff before I left work on Friday. Main new item being my new picture!!

Now, I don’t know what you guys thought I’d look like but my guess is that you were surprised to see me so stacked/ripped/hunky etc… Well, let me surprise you again… it’s not really me!! Come on, you think I’m blowing my anonymity that quickly? Ha!

Anyway, good weekend had by all, here in Hong Kong, but not so good to come back to such a low readership. What I’m gonna need to do is add a little spice to the fishballs, send the cat amongst the pigeons, and really f*ck some sh*t up!

Who was Richard Madeley before he got caught shoplifting? Nobody!
Who was Prince Harry before smoking the reefter and drinking underage? Nobody!
Who was Garry Glitter before he fiddled with boys? Nobody!

My point? Controversy!! T’is the way forward. Wait until the comments board starts filling up, the Guardian will soon be knocking on my door…

“Oh, Mr. Fishballs, please grant us an interview, please, you're just so cutting edge.”

“No, screw you, I court controversy and would much rather be interviewed on the front page of the Daily Sport with my (Fish) balls in Jordan’s mouth!”

...Anyway, please leave comments, court controversy, spread the word. You think The Bible would be so popular now if the disciples hadn’t put links to each other’s gospels on their Blogs? Think again.

Here’s some questions to get you thinking, get you writing, and to get my readership bigger and bigger:

- [Editted] Deleted due to complaints via e-mail. Sorry Mum.

- At what age should children legally be considered human?

- Euthanasia: what is it?

- Should we give gays the vote?

- Dame Thora Hird: Friend of the people or enemy of the state?

Hmmmm, food for thought. Open your mind, flex your fingers and get typing. This could be the start of something big.

Til next time, guys and gals…

Blog number nineteen

2005-01-27T22:42:00.000+08:00

Evening, guys and gals,

Bit of a rollercoaster day today. As you've no doubt seen, this page has had a bit of a re-fit. I've had the 'e'-equivelant of 'the painters in'.(Note: that's 'e' as in electronic, not 'e' as in the party pills that KILL!). Basically, Mr. JB, of www.jacksonboyle.blogspot.com fame, e-mailed me a message practically dripping with advice. Thanks to whom, I now have a hits counter (see bottom of the page) and some cool stuff to the right. I know more about html now, and I know I like it. Note: Hold your curser above the "I POWER BLOGGER" icon and you'll get a message. I wrote that message, just because I can, because I know more than you about html. Maybe.

Anyway, were today's Blog the Corkscrew at Alton Towers, for example (I'm running with the rollercoaster metaphor here), with my html accomplishments being the highest point, my lowest point would be having to tell you readers the news that my two hamsters died today. They may have died last night, but we'll never know, we just didn't bother checking on them last night. But..... as Fishballs' lovely, ever-sensitive girlfriend pointed out, "They're only fucking hamsters!" She does, for all her lack of subtlety, have a point. I guess on the upside, I now have more space in my kitchen. Every cloud...

Well, I'm sure you'll understand I'm more than just a little emotionally drained tonight.

Til next time, guys and gals....

Blog number eighteen

2005-01-26T15:18:00.000+08:00

Hello Readers,

Not much from me today, I'm afraid. Had a very busy day and my eyes are not focussing too well on the screen.

It appears that I have a new reader! My 'key words' scam (see Blog number seventeen) seems to have snared in some pervert. See the comments board of Blog number sixteen for details.

Other news, I managed to play around with some HTML stuff yesterday and add an end note to the screen. If you scroll down, you'll see these quotes:

"Fishballs is the Blog you've all been waiting for."
- Belle de Jour
"Nominated for no awards, as of yet, Fishballs is sure to win some awards very soon."
- Guardian Blog Awards
"If you're not reading this everyday, you're wasting your fucking life!"
- Richard and Judy

To be honest, they're not strictly true. I've got hold of Richard and Judy's e-mail address and Belle de Jour's, but I've still not found the time to e-mail them to get the go ahead for putting the quotes online. The Guardian. Well, I've e-mailed them TWICE now and they're either not recieving my e-mails or they just don't give a fuck. Either way, I'm sure that's what they'd say.

Also, a new reader JB (see comments board for Blog number fifteen) seems to have created a link on his Blog to mine. Go to www.jacksonboyle.blogspot.com , scroll down and look on the right of the screen. When you come to 'LINKS', click on 'Hong Kong High Jinx' and it'll lead you straight back here! Great, or what?

If 'JB' is reading (I know he is, he must be - see Richard and Judy quote) then please e-mail (willytherussell@hotmail.co.uk) or leave a comment as there's so much I'd like to know about Blogging. Mainly, how do I create links to other sites? How do I get one of those cool counter things that shows how many 'hits' you get per day? How do I add a "Currently Reading.." thing?

Anyway anyway anyway, questions and answers, secrets and lies, pease pudding and savaloys...

Til next time, guys and gals...

Blog number seventeen

2005-01-25T09:24:00.000+08:00

Good morning, good morning,

I've been at work almost two hours and was trying to keep myself away from Fishballs until I'd actually done some work. I've done some work now (a two page document of exam results - compiled, written, typed by your's truly) so I feel ok using work time to update my Blog. I did, after all, create this Blog initially as way to make the days go faster.

Well, after consulting with a fellow Blogger and a quick internet search on 'How to promote your Blog", it appears that I need to get key words that people will search for. Rumour has it, if someone types 'DAVID BECKHAM' into a search engine and David Beckham's mentioned in someone's Blog then that'll come up on the search results. Sounds good.

Anyway, I believe the above explains what I'm about to do. I'm doing this for the sake of new readers, so not wanting to bore my regular readers, I'll tell you now that you can stop reading. Here goes...

David Beckham
Harry Potter
Prince Harry dressed like a Nazi
Celebrity Big Brother
The Guardian
Anal
Britney Spears
Beastiality
Barely legal
The Tweenies
January
Cats
Dogs
Pet care
Recipes
Asian babes
Gardening
Amateur housewives
Uncut
Shakespeare
GCSE revision
A-level revision
Hard and fast
Wet and wild
Golden showers
The weather
Nigel Slater is gay
Nigel Slater can't be gay, he's got kids!
Big and bouncy
Blogging
Minge
DIY
Masturbation
Blue Peter
Andi Peters and Tony Hart
Gay marriage rumours
Double penetration
France
Italy
Spain
Tourism
Travel
Cock
Balls
Fishballs.

Phew, let's hope this works!

Blog number sixteen

2005-01-24T23:22:00.000+08:00

Once again, two things:

One - MORE READERS!! I have MORE readers!!! Gilbert Koh, you're not alone.

Two - RE: Comments board, Blog number fifteen. Belle and Sebastian? A couple? I see your points, I do NOT challenge you, all I ask is that you take up your queries with www.bloggingisthelightandtheway.com

Anyway, back to point number one - I HAVE MORE READERS!!! To say I'm over the moon is more than a little understatement. My job, teaching in Hong Kong, is not ever so much fun. Blogging my way to stardom, however, is fantastic. Readers readers and more readers, this is what a Blogger needs. Basically, I've been doing some soul-searching, some introspection, some inner-self-psycho-analytical-testing-searching-stuff, and I've concluded that Blogging is, perchance, what I was born for. I was born in Silicon Valley in the Chinese year of the Internet with Orion pointing like a curser at the Big Bear frying a keyboard. All signs point to Blogging.

I have to go to bed now. Needs must. Please keep posting comments. Help me improve my page. Offensive posts WILL be removed.

Til next time, guys and gals...

Blog number fifteen

2005-01-24T20:04:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not!

Just surfing the internet, found out some interesting facts about Blogging. Just found these facts on www.bloggingisthelightandtheway.com...

Famous people who started their careers as BLOGGERS

- William Shatner
- Marc Almond
- William Shakespeare
- Belle de Jour
- Terence Trent D'arby
- Bill Murray

Films based on real-life Blogs

- Toy Story
- Breakfast at Tiffany's
- Jaws III
- Too Legit: The MC Hammer Story
- Schindler's List
- Dogville

Famous couples who met through Blogging

- Prince Charles and (the late) Princess Diana
- Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston
- Danny Devito and Rhea Pearlman
- Steptoe and Son
- Dawn French and Lenny Henry
- Belle and Sebastian

Amazing! Blogging is bigger than you'd think.

Til next time, guys and gals...

Blog number fourteen

2005-01-24T17:44:00.000+08:00

Hello Readers,

Welcome to Monday 24th January 2005. It's a beautiful day and my readership has grown! Gilbert Koh (God bless him) posted another comment, as did a NEW reader named UndiscussableRealms (I think that's probably a false name). Another reader posted a comment but that was a bit obscene (it included the 'F' word) so I had to hide the comments board on that one. I have a following!

I also had a thought. I'm not too sure if those of you non-Bloggers (as in, those of you not registered with Blogger.com) are able to post comments. If there are any of you wanting to leave your comments but unable to, you can e-mail me PERSONALLY and I will post your comments, answer any queries, do hot media interviews etc...

I can be found at willytherussell@hotmail.co.uk

Two things -

One - NOTE: my name is not Willy Russell, nor is it Barrymore, nor is it Fishballs. I can't reveal my real name, my anonymity means everything in this technological information age of media saturation internet type stuff. I just had a beautiful weekend which would've been impossible if fame and notoriety were part of my life. Fact.

Two - NOTE: my e-mail address is willytherussell@hotmail.co.uk. That's .CO.UK and NOT .COM. Remember.

Anyway, I was reading the paper on Saturday morning (the Observer, sent kindly by my girlfriend's mother - for the sake of her anonymity, we'll refer to her as Mavis) when I noticed in the book reviews a review of "The Intimate Adventures of a London Call-Girl" by Belle de Jour. She, for those of you who don't know, is a London call-girl, made famous for publishing her intimate adventures first as a Blog and more recently as a book. Well, it turns out the bitch can't write. Ha!

"The overall effect is neither titillating nor shocking but merely mind-numbingly dull."
- Stephanie Merritt, Observer Review, 16th January

Journalists, publishers, media types, kind people - Belle de Jour sold her body and then sold her Blog, I will do neither. I will maybe sell my Blog (you could serialise it in a newspaper, publish it as a novel: the choice is yours) but I will never sell my body. I don't see why she gets fame, money and recognition when Fishballs gets barely anything in comparison (no offence, Gilbert Koh). What's with the world today?

Please keep reading, my readership of three (Gilbert Koh, UndiscussableRealms, and the third reader who insists on using the 'F' word) will soon be up to Belle de Jour's reputed 15,000 'hits' a day. SPREAD THE WORD!

Anyways, guys and gals. Til next time...

Blog number thirteen

2005-01-21T08:55:00.000+08:00

Have I ever mentioned my good friend Gilbert Koh on my page before? No? That's because he's not a good friend, I don't know him, I don't know anyone that does know him, he's in Singapore, I've never been to Singapore. Are you following? Gilbert Koh is a stranger!!!

A STRANGER READ MY BLOG!!!

It appears that it all could be about to take off for Fishballs (No thanks to the Guardian!). A stranger, the lucky Gilbert Koh, stumbles across my Blog, he happens to mention it to a friend of his. In turn, this friend mentions it to another friend, maybe even two friends. Guys and gals, what I'm describing is a thing called 'word of mouth'. This is the start of something. Something BIG!

Gilbert, if you're reading (you MUST be reading, surely), do NOT waste this opportunity. Don't be like that guy that turned down the chance to sign The Beatles , or the publisher that thought Harry Potter wasn't commercial enough. You following? Spread the word.

Also, if any of you other guys out there like poetry, Singapore, lawyers etc... Check out Gilbert Koh's Blog...

www.readerseye.blogspot.com

Thank you

Blog number twelve

2005-01-20T15:15:00.000+08:00

Ok, I'm a little down in the dumps to say the least.

It's been a full 16 days since I answered my calling and became a Blogger. I've not taken it lightly, I fully respect my chosen profession, I just need to know that somewhere out there is someone actually reading this. The Guardian seem to be ignoring my e-mail, or at least biding their time in a really irritating way. The media spotlight is great and glaring for those in London, selling their bodies just for a bit of Blogging banter (Belle de Jour, take note) but what about me?
Someone, anyone, please, read me...

Blog number eleven

2005-01-19T14:08:00.000+08:00

"The Samuel Pepys of the information age, Fishballs has it all"
- Guardian, 19/1/05

" A must read for executives, students, and housewives alike...[Fishballs has acquired a] cult following and yet is blissfully unaware of his own fame."
- Michael Parkinson, 19/1/05

"Like Bridget Jones but without the periods"
- Daily Star, 19/1/05

"Pure genius. Makes me want to reform The Smiths"
- Morrissey, 19/1/05

All in good time...

Blog number ten

2005-01-18T14:18:00.000+08:00

This is killing me!

You have to understand that I'm in Hong Kong, a full EIGHT hours ahead of the Guardian (They're GMT, I am not). They'll all be waking up, wiping the sleep out of their eyes, turning over their quilted duvets and tip-toeing to the window to check for frost. Yep, there's frost, they'll kick themselves for not buying another can of de-icer from Halfords at the weekend. And so the morning goes: cornflakes, rice crispies, coco pops for the kids. Shaving, brushing hair, creased school uniforms. There’s the last minute rush out of the door, into the car, “Shit, no de-icer!”. Out comes the scraper, frost coming off the glass bit by bit. On the way to drop the kids at school, accident with the lollipop lady, something to do with ice, “…too quick…”, says the policeman. Finally get round the blood red and neon yellow patch of the road, drop the kids off, everybody’s happy. Put on Dire Straits, just that little bit too loud for a Tuesday morning but hey, you’re driving a brand new Renaut Clio and you just don’t care. You get to work, finally, up in the lift, say your hellos, make a coffee. Screen saver amuses you for a second, move the mouse, the screen wakes itself up, MAIL, click, INBOX, click, ONE NEW MESSAGE (I imagine the Guardian will get more than just one e-mail this morning but let me have my dream), click, READ? You betcha by-golly, click, “Ah, look at this, it’s from an up and coming Blogger, I’ll check this out!” Click…

SLAM!

An anonymous media darling is born, in the shape of FISHBALLS.

Belle de Jour can suck my Blog!

Twice!

Blog number nine

2005-01-18T10:13:00.000+08:00

Get ready, guys and gals, this shit is getting hot.

The Guardian (British newspaper, for my international readers) has been tipped off about my whereabouts. I e-mailed them just a second ago just to confirm that they were aware of what was going on at www.fishballsandbanter.blogspot.com

They're usually so quick - fingers in all pies, the first to sort out the wheat from the chaff, the weak from the strong, the political/social/web commentators from the timewasters, the cuting edge from the blunted spoon (can you blunt a spoon? Should that be 'blunten'? Make blunt?) etc...

THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD!

Get ready for the comments board to get shit hot like ice!

Blog number eight

2005-01-18T09:22:00.000+08:00

It's 9:31 by the clock on the wall. I know (for a fact!) that it's at least 6, maybe 7, minutes fast. I wonder what time it'll be by the time I finish writing this. If, say, it's 9:45, do I conclude that it's actually 9:45 or really 9:39, maybe 9:38, or does the time only really matter when the first of you guys reads this? That's the time that matters I guess. If, say, it's 9:45 (9:39, maybe 9:38)when I post this, then I'd bet that by 9:46 (9:40, maybe 9:39) someone out there will be reading this. Answers on a postcard...

Blog number seven

2005-01-17T13:24:00.000+08:00

Angry. Just read the paper in my lunch break, read an article about a guy in China who's won a Blogging award for best Blog. I wouldn't mind so much, but it's a Blog about dogs! Maybe it's just because BLOG rhymes with DOG. Who knows?

By the way, I'm back.

Blog number six

2005-01-11T14:54:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow I will be absent from my 'workstation'. This is also the case for the day after that and, sadly, the day after that. Considering the following day after that is the weekend, it appears that my Blog may not be updated for a few days. Hey, even us in the vanguard at the forefront of the cutting edge of the zeitgeist have to take a break once in a while.

Look after yourselves, e-mails to the usual address - only-fools-rush-in@writing-a-blog.com

Blog number five

2005-01-11T09:41:00.000+08:00

Rome wasn't built in a day.

Blog number four

2005-01-10T08:51:00.000+08:00

Ok, nothing as yet. If anything, I'd say I'm currently an underground smash with a small but dedicated few. One can always hope.

Blog number three

2005-01-07T17:03:00.000+08:00

Is it true that out there in cyberspace there's loads of people reading everything that's online? I like the thought of my Blog being a daily 'must read' for executives, students, and housewives alike. Maybe my first two Blogs have built up a cult following and I'm blissfully unaware of my own fame. I'll let you know if I hear anything...

Blog number two

2005-01-05T14:31:00.000+08:00

Ok, starting to sink in.... I'm a blogger. Now I've just got to figure out how to tell my parents.

Blog number one

2005-01-05T14:25:00.000+08:00

Wow, I'm a blogger. Can you imagine, me, a blogger?